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Jan. 27th, 2012

Sh..

Made me laugh so hard



Jul. 9th, 2011

Taylor

07Ghost

Well, I finally did something to cheer myself up! I went looking for something to do or something fun to watch.  I found out that a fav read of mine is now a show! OH YEAH! I was soooooo excited when I saw that I went crazy! 07-Ghost!!!! YES AF tv is the best! Soooooo happy! *dances* I'm watching it right now even though I have to get up in the morning! ^.^
I included the opening and ending songs. I'm in love with the songs. Too bad they don't have anything I could find to show on the way they do the songs in the show. <3 I love!











http://tinyurl.com/4ha9pha

It is interesting though that from about episode 5 things begin to deviate quite a bit from how I read it.  So far, the show is changing some things quite a bit.  I did expect that, but I was not expecting the change they did make... I am so curious to see where they will go with this.  So far, I like both ways it has been done. Very interesting. Since I've read the other several times I notice the changes a lot hehehe, but that's cool.
A alone

I don't even know

*big sigh* I feel... I don't even know.  I feel upset, down, sad, depressed... like I just want to go away and hide for a long time and not have to see anyone or talk to anyone or smile when I don't feel like it.  I feel like I just don't care about anything at all.  I don't even want to do things I normally love to do.  I just don't want to do anything but be alone and away from people and this place.  I feel like it would not matter if I did anyway.  About no one would care if I did that anyway.  There is this song that has the line "I quit, I give up, nothing's good enough for anybody anyhow" I keep singing that line to myself.  I don't remember anything else about the song so it's all I can sing anyway haha.  But I'm just annoyed, down, and sad and I don't care to care about anything... if that makes sense.  All I really want to do is cry, but I can't tell anyone that.  I just have to smile and pretend I'm happy and exert all my energy to seem happy so people don't think I'm depressed.  I got accused of trying to go anorexic the other day just because I don't feel like eating anything.  I wanted to say "I'm not anorexic, I just am too sad to care about anything so I don't feel like eating, so go away."  I didn't say that though.  People keep making me feel worse all the time whether they mean to or not.  I just want to do something wild to break out of this feeling but I don't know what I'd do.  I wish I could feel happy, I wish I could just forget everything, I wish for a lot of things.... I guess.  And I hate myself for feeling like this since I have no real reason to.  Sure, there are things going on that make me sad, but it's not like it's as bad as some people have it, like people who lost their house to the fires.  I mean I don't have it that bad when you look around at other people, so why do I feel like that.  I should not be sad, I should be happy, but I'm just not.  I just can't make myself care enough to want to do anything, even things that might make me perk up. I feel useless.

Apr. 7th, 2011

The way it is

             I'm reminded today just how glad I am for things just the way they are.  That is, I'm so glad to be free, single that is, and oh so pleased about it.  I mean really!!!!! *dances*  I don't have to bother with that rotten guy ever again! Granted, I have my regrets, but hey, that's life.  My regrets aren't that I left him, it's things like: "shoot, I wish I hadn't given him 'Howl's Moving Castle' (<-awesome movie) for his b-day, shoulda saved my money and not bothered" or "Too bad I can't have that jacket of his. . . I loved that jacket" or "why did I waist my time! I had better things I coulda been doing! Look at all the stuff I missed because of him!"  Ya know, things like that.  *sigh* Many regrets, but none of them involving the loss of that guy, other things.  I mean, wow! I can't believe I was ever with that guy!  What on earth was I thinking?  Did I go nuts during that time or what?  It seems the saying "love is blind" is soooooooooooo much truer than I ever knew!  It is true in so many ways, makes you over look what a jerk they are!  Goodness! So glad I woke up! So GLAD I dumped him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so not even sad about that anymore, I'm happy!  I realized how happy I am to be rid of him today! Whew! I may have changed a lot because of all that but I'm soooo glad I'm out of it now! Freedom!  I even got hit on all over the place today! I guess I should wear that outfit more often! ^.^ Show off my awesomeness bwhahahaha jk >.> Hehehe! The guy lost a good thing! LOL! He had no idea how good he had it, I was so nice to him! Hahahahaha! ^.^ But he's not my problem anyone, YAY! way it is

Feb. 28th, 2011

Kiss!

Fai and Sakura

Ok, so Yuki put this totally awesome video she made up.  I love it so much! I severely love that paring.  Don't get me wrong, I love Sakura and Syaoran also, but there is just something special between Fai and Sakura.  It's just this really special connection she only has with him.  In a lota ways I love Sakura and Fai best.  ^.^ Yuki's video sparked me finding a few others too. ♥.♥  I love this like crazy.  Yuki's shows their special relationship the best though, I think. ♥.♥  Eeeek Too cute!




Feb. 11th, 2011

Movie!!!!!!!!!!

Sherlock Holmes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Such a good movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to see it, and wanted to see it, and wanted to see it. I heard it was good and I wanted to see it sooo bad!
I'm so happy I saw it! I EVEN OWN IT NOW THANKS TO YUKI!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! It's good, since I keep wanting to watch it again since last night.

Jan. 29th, 2011

Change...

Wow, I just read all my back stories after I posted a few minutes ago(yes, I know I posted twice in a matter of a few minutes).  I'm really shocked at how much I have changed.  I saw how much different I am now.  I saw my old post about my ex.  I can't believe I was so easy to fool.  But I'm very different now.  I'm polar different than I was then, maybe not all in good ways.  I'm very cynical now, really, mostly about love and happiness.  I'm so much harder of heart now than I was when I wrote all those happy things about my now ex.  It's hard to explain, really.  I just saw how different I am now.  I remembered how I used to feel, and how totally incapable I am of feelings like that now.  I remembered those times I'd pushed out of my mind, and of course other times to that I never got around to writing about.  I remembered how happy I was... and I don't think I've been happy since those days.  Strange how one guy could have changed me THAT much.  I used to be pretty happy.... now I can hardly remember how that felt... It only exists in memory.  I guess it was a guy and my old friend together that changed me. But if it hadn't been her, it would have been a different girl. It's crazy how I really believed in him, how I put all my trust in him that way.  I trusted him enough that I never even worried when he had my old friend, his new fiance over to his house for days over thanksgiving. I was supposed to go on the trip too, but ended up not going.  I didn't suspect a thing!!!  I trusted him that much!!!  So much for all his promises to always stay by me, never leave me, always love me.  So much for all those promises.  Now I trust no one, not much.  I only trust a few people.  I was never much for knowing how to show feelings or letting people close easily... but I let him in, then when she came to school there, I let her in too.  I considered him the love of my life, and her a sweet friend....  I still have a few people, like Yuki, I trust, but I've stopped trusting new people at all.  I never really even smile anymore.....  I'm stronger for the better in some ways, much smarter about things.  He was my first real boyfriend, and deffinately my first fiance.  Since it has always been hard for me to get close to people, when he got close... and well, broke my heart.... I guess I see now what he really did.  Boy, he was good, had me so fooled!  It got to where he pretty much shaped how I thought, kinda, how I felt, even how I viewed myself.  He told me once he wished I had blue eyes, and I went out and tried to find blue contacts... till then, I liked my eyes... now I don't anymore.  I'm not sure I could ever trust or love a guy again now...  I'm glad I'm rid of him, but I don't think I can ever be the same as I was.  I thought about deleting all the things about my ex, but decided it was good to have them, force me to remember and never make those mistakes again. Never be so stupid and trusting.

Angels

Sparkling angel I believed
You were my savior in my time of need.
Blinded by faith I couldn't hear
All the whispers, the warnings so clear.
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door.
There's no escape now,
No mercy no more.
No remorse cause I still remember
The smile when you tore me apart.

You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they would turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.

Sparkling angel, I couldn't see
Your dark intentions, your feelings for me.
Fallen angel, tell me why?
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now
No mercy no more
No remorse cause I still remember
The smile when you tore me apart

You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they would turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.
Could have been forever.
Now we have reached the end.

This world may have failed you,
It doesn't give you a reason why.
You could have chosen a different path in life.

The smile when you tore me apart.

You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they would turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.
Could have been forever.
Now we have reached the end.

So faw away.

Such a user

I have not been on here for a really long time.  A LOT has happened since I was here last.  But I need a rant/vent, so here I go.
This is about my ex-fiance, the jerk!!!  Here it is in simple terms.  It was a complex thing, breaking it off and all, long story, but here is the short and to the point.
We were going together, everything was great.  Been together a long time.  He had recently broken up with a girl. Told me this huge long story about how she cheated on him and left him. (I no longer buy that story) But, he managed to make me fall for him even though I didn't like him that much when I first met him.  He kept hanging around, then was really sweet, we got to b friends.  A bit after I got used to being friends, h ask me to be his girlfriend.  Time lapsed on. But here is where I'm going with this now.
So, first he asks me to marry him. After we're engaged, he starts (or maybe had already started and just got careless about hiding it) cheating on me with one of my friends. I break it off with him and a few (like 3) months later, they are dating officially.  A few days ago I see on facebook that they are engaged. They are engaged after being together 5 months!!!!!!! I was with him two flipping years before he asked me, but he only asked because I was going to be moving away from him, so he had to.  Gave me the "I don't wanna lose you, I love you, can't live without you" speech. *rolls eyes*  Why I believed a word, I have no idea! Anyways, she (his new girl, my old friend) wrote to me and told me also, at least she had the guts to tell me to my face! He never told me when he started dating again officially, or when he got engaged to her. (Not that I'm shocked at all, just like he lied about cheating on me, but really, I'm not blind! And they were together super fast after I broke it off for him not to have been)  He didn't have the guts to say anything to my face!!! I give her credit for having the guts to tell me. I saw it on fb before I saw her message, but still, she did it.  Now, today, I'm on facebook and the little friend suggester in the corner pops up. It suggests this girl to me, her only friend I have in common is my ex. (And fine, sure, maybe I should just unfriend him, but I'm trying to be a much bigger person in all this than he is. I've tried all along to be nice) But this girl pops up. SHE HAS NOTHING ON BUT A DINKY BRA AND A THONG!!! I was all O.O What the heck?  Then I saw who her one friend was, which was the ex fiance of mine.  Ok, so that made me mad!!! I do believe I'm seeing a pattern here!!!!  He cheats on ME around the time he asks me to marry him, thinks it's safe and I wouldn't leave since I agreed to marry him. NOW he has asked HER to marry him and suddenly he's friends with this slutty looking girl.... I dunno if I'm the only one jumping to this conclusion... but it really seems to be highly suspect in my book.  It made me so angry! I think he is cheating on her now too!!!!  Makes me mad that he's at it again.  I feel bad for her, she is so happy. Poor girl!!! I tried to tell her... once a cheater, always a cheater! But I'm mad for her... It's really too bad she's going to end up hurt by him too.  I know she is head over heels in love with him, has been for a long time (before I was outa the picture). Poor girl has it bad for him, and he's going to rip out her heart and stomp on it. Makes me with I could do something to show her who he really is, like I had to see it.  I just wonder if she'll get it when she notices that girl he's friends with!  He'll have a story though... and I bet she believes him...

Oct. 3rd, 2010

Taylor

Feeling videos

It is just amazing how true this is and how well it fits.  I really feel like I was drowned, like in the beginning. Almost every line in this thing is so true.  It really shows a lot of what I feel.Just like it says. Again, this is so very true! All of it, even the video is similar to how it is. Tonight, I'm again "torn into pieces."

May. 18th, 2010

Disbeliefe

I don't know why it had to be this way.... I didn't want this, I didn't want it. I wish so much things could be any other way, anything but how they are now.  I'd do anything in the world for this not to be real, anything!

I hadn't cried until today.  Then I suddenly burst out crying in front of my roommate.  I forced myself to stop fast. I hate to cry when people are around.  I doubt she knew why started crying... I'm not totally sure how much she knows.  She knows what I've said, but maybe that's all.  No one really knows much.  I haven't told anyone anything really.  Word is slowly getting around campus.  I wish it wasn't....  I can't stand facing it, or facing people who know anything at all about it... but I cried because I was totally broken inside.  I cried because I couldn't hold it in anymore, couldn't be strong anymore, but I only cried for a few seconds before I controled myself again. I have to pretend to everyone that nothing is wrong.  I look at people and wonder what they know, what they are thinking. I wonder if they think I did something to deserve it.   No one talks about it, the people who know anything about it.  They just look at me strange and talk about things other than that. I wish I could read minds and see what they are really thinking when they look at me.  But I don't want to tell anyone, don't want to start anything either. No one can know the truth.  I don't want anyone to know anything at all!!! I have to be strong and pretend to be fine or I might simply die.
It's a good thing I am so busy, at least I have something to do.

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