Sad day [Sunday. Sep. 20th 2009 5:51pm ] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Anberlin ] Right now, I'm crying, but trying not to let anyone know.  The tears keep falling, but I can't stop them for flowing like the rain.  My heart feels like it is shattering piece by piece, and there is nothing I can do to hold it together. I try to close my ears, and forget it is all real... but I can still hear my own screams.  No amount of screaming can extinguish this misery of today.  The world is crashing in. It is strange to think that I smiled only yesterday.  How can a world fall apart so fast...?  No, maybe it was not so fast... it was a slow fade. I just could not see it coming til it was too late. too  late to run from the oncoming train.  I did not notice the bright light until the trains bright light was all I could see.  It's too late to run... all I can see it the light before the impact.  But now that it is this close.... all I can think of is "I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, before it hits." If only I could run! If only I could find a way to hide in the shadows where it is safer. I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! Just DIE!!!!!!!! No one knows! No one hears my screams, because they are all inside my head. Hunt for hints

Music [Tuesday. Mar. 10th 2009 10:55pm ] [ mood | morose ] Right now, I really almost feel like I relate to this song. I think maybe this song describes what I feel more than anything else right now. I have really been feeling this way the past few days. I have also been feeling like I'm "going under." It's that kinda thing. I almost don't know what is real anymore. I feel like I'm falling forever. It feels like everything is changing... monsters are looking at me from everywhere. I want to run away from them, but I can't. It really does feel like I will have to save myself from the monsters, tackle them head on, even if I do drown.  2 clues found |Hunt for hints

Sweet then cute [Sunday. Nov. 16th 2008 7:57pm ] [ mood | happy ] The other night, I was very happy! ^_^ I really liked it. Ok, so I already said that because of the play, we did not have much time together for a while. :( So sad!!!!  But anyway, after all the play stuff was over, he decided that we should go to the Mud Hole.  (A coffee place on campus.)  We sat on one of the couches and talked. We cuddled there for a long time.  He finally told me a weakness of his. *evil smile* (But he still knows none of my weaknesses!!! I'm good.) He has a thing for you rubbing very gently behind his ears.  Also, he likes it when I run my fingers through his hair.  It relaxes him.  I rotated between doing those two.  (Admittedly, I liked doing that to him.  He looked SO cute)  I half expected to hear him start purring like a cat.  His eye were closed, head tilted back, so cute. ^_^ I'm also good at relaxing him by rubbing his forehead and temples.  But I already knew I could get him that way.... ^_^  I loved being with him, just sitting on the couch with him.  Then we left the mud hole.  He walked me back, then we went to the landing.  Actually, I was about to go up the stairs, to my room after hugging him.  But he stopped me.  He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down.  We ended up sitting on the stairs, his arm around me, my head on his shoulder.  I even tried to get him to go to bed. He said: "I have not gotten to be with you like all week!  I missed you!"  Then he said the most romantic thing EVER.... ok, maybe not ever, but close.  He said: "Common, please just let me stay with you for a little longer.  Even just a little longer time with you would make me really happy.  You make me so happy." That was so amazing.  I did not really want to be away from him either.  But seriously, that guy amazes me!  He is the very must amazing, and so different from anyone I have ever known. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met! I totally do not know how in the world I was lucky enough to find him! A girl like me? I just do not know how is worked out.  ^_^ He makes me think that anything can happen.  He said other sweet things that made my head spin.  Then he kissed me so gently, I might not have known it happened.  He kissed me again.  Then he hugged me close.  But, sadly, it finally came time for us to part.  We hugged a bit more, then, we parted.  We did do the whole holding hands till the very end, then we let our fingers slid apart as we moved away. *shakes head*  Wow...... this sounds so corney...... even as I tell this story.....  Wow.... I'm such a pathetic girl..... 2 clues found |Hunt for hints

[Sunday. Nov. 16th 2008 6:59pm ] [ mood | amused ] Well, I have to tell about last night. It was pretty funny. Ok,  so Mark was in a play. It ran for thr.day, fri.day, + sat.day. It was good, I liked it.  He had been so stressed over it all week though.  But it is over now.  (I'm secretly glad of that, because he was always doing things to get ready for the play. Every night it was something. More practices and what not.  I missed him a lot!!!! But he did ask me to meet him on the landing every night before bed... and that was nice!) I watched the play each time it showed. LOL! It made him happy that I did.  The second night Doug did a better job of dying, I will say that! x) LOL! The first time, he supposedly died, he was supposed to bleed, but the bag of blood did not really break, so there was nothing. Hahahaha! He just looked like he was sad and staggering. Hehehe! But the second time, he did bleed, so it looked like he really got stabbed.  The first time, I just had to smile because I knew he was supposed to have been killed, but it really did not look like he got anything more than poked. Anyway, so after the play, I waited for Mark to get out of the stage stuff.  It took a while, but he finally came out. I have to say though, he did not do a good job of getting all that stage makeup off!  His hair was sticky with jell too! Hahahaha!  We were waiting for another friend from the play to show up.  So we were just talking. ^_^ Here comes the funny part. Kinda cute too. He was just talking about random stuff..... then he threw me a curve.... he does that a lot. I never know what to do with him.  So, a lot of times, like I did not, I get his mind off whatever it was I did not know how to deal with.  I normally use humor.   Without warning, he turned the subject onto US.  He said: "You know something?  Michelle told me the other day that, of all the couples she knows around here, we are her favorite couple." I just stared at him. I did NOT know what to say.  I smiled, thinking; what to say.... what to say.... He was waiting for me to say something. ^_^ So, I played dumb.... for lack of anything else I could think of to do.... I just pretended not to get it. Even though I actually did know what he was talking about.  I said: "She thinks we are her favorite couple?" <--- *faining confusion*  He said: "Yes, she did," and smiled.   I was still trying to think of something to say.... so I said: "A couple of what?"  He arched his eyesbrows like he could not believe I could have said that.  Finally, I said: "Oh, that kind o couple!"  I gotta say, I'm very, very good at playing dumb!!!!!  ^_^  He was like: "Yeah! That kind of couple!!!"  He just about died!!!!!!!!!!!! :D He was laughing so hard. I just stepped back and watched him.  He doubled over and was laughing.  I just smirked and watched him.  It was funny!  He believed that I did not understand, just like I wanted him to.  I'm sly! Hehehehe! I am good! Mwahahahaha! ^_^  So, I got out of saying anything about it. Yay, I'm good! Then, while he was laughing, I grabbed his wrists and started twirling him.  He was like no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!!! He put on the breaks like crazy.  He told me he gets dizzy easy!  I was like, oh really? I made a mental note of that, and stored it for later.  I think I might want to use it on him later, for fun. Mwahahahahaha!!!! I'm evil. But I can have all kinds of fun with him, knowing that. ^_^ 1 clue found |Hunt for hints

Feel [Saturday. Nov. 1st 2008 12:39am ] [ mood | aggravated ] Ya know how I have been saying for a while how much I love this guy?  Well, it is true! I love him more than anything.  I am not sure what I ever did without him. He has become my world, my love, my life.  I try to tell him that, but I have this issue with telling people I love them. I just can't do it, at least not to them.  I can tell other people, but not tell them to their face.  I'm like my father, I just can't let out my feelings... Not in ways people can understand at least.  I don't know what it is, I just don't.  I guess I learned too well since I was a kid.... never show emotion.  One lesson I listened to well. Hahahaha! I don't know.... But something happened that scared me so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so much.  Thinking about it, even right now, I want to cry. I'm so stupid, I know.  I'm pathetic, and stupid.  The thing is though, I'm afraid I will push him away with that.  I'm afraid that since I cannot express feelings, someday, he will get sick of it, sick of trying, and sick of me.  I'm afraid he will decide someday that I don't love him, and all the things he does for me are not changing that, so he will give up. Last night, halloween..... Something scared me. I pretended not to even notice, but it hit me so, so hard.  I was accutely aware that it happened, and now that it could happen again.  I have felt threatened before, but not the same.  A while back, his ex came for a visit.  Once one week, then another time another week.  He did not even really react to it, but I was slightly a mess.  It felt so bad, and hard to have her anywhere near him. I hated the way I felt when she was there, around us. I wanted to yell, "he is mine now! GO away."  I didn't though.  I just smiled and was quiet.  Dylan and Tim help me by talking, since I did not want to. Mark sorta helped too, but I can only imagine what was going through his head.  After she left he joked about how he did not know how he stayed with her as long as he did, and never killed her.  He said being around her five minutes was too much.  That made me happy.... a little. But last night..... what happened.... stung. It was halloween, everyone was dressed up.  I was dressed up.  ^_^ (His jaw dropped when he saw me.  Damike made fun of him and told him to pick his jaw up off the floor.  So that was funny.)  That was nice, not like I minded that at all.  He liked my outfit.  I was dressed as a Vampire.  He was in the TV and computer room when I showed up. (It is a typical hang out place with a lot of stuff.)  I left to go help my roomy with her costume when she came back.  She went as Selina.... Sophie.... I forgot.  An actress in a movie, whatever. She WAS pretty.  (black, short, frilly dress) I did not even think about him having a reaction. I guess I trusted him.... but... He practically yelled 'wow' when we walked in.  Ok, he did yell it across the room.  He said she looked good, and was falling all over his words.  (I mean, I know he is a guy, and guys are like that.  I also do know that it WAS very SHORT, and showed every curve she had.... and guys are like that, they are dumb.... but.....)  And if that had been the only thing of the night, I might not have been so freaked. Later, though.... It was the three of us. He was totally looking at her legs, and the shortness of the dress. I saw him! He was so looking.  Yes, he looked away a few seconds later, or maybe more than a few seconds, but he still looked.  I could not believe it!  (To be honest, I stepped in front of her, and started making sure he was looking at other things.  I did not care if he looked at the roof, as long as he stopped looking her over like that.)  I wanted to tackle him and slap him!   Fine, she was dressed a bit provocatively... but he did not have to enjoy the sceenery! That frightened me a LOT. I mean, we are practically engaged for crying-out-loud!!!!! Oh wait, I'm not sure I told that story yet. If I didn't, I will have to later. Anyways, the point is, I'm freaking wearing a ring now! Why did he have to be looking at my roomy... my friend!!!!  I'm not a jealous type.... as far as I know... but.... that stung a bit.  But I guess it is dumb.  I should not be silly about it.  It just made me accutely aware that I could lose him, even now.  So scary!  I could not loose him now! I love him too much, more than anything!  I've been with him like almost a year! More if you count all the time we were friends! But I don't want to ever have him stolen from me. I'm afraid. And yes.... I know.... I've become a stereo-type-girl. Yes, I hate that he turned me into some pathetic girl who would die if he left me for some other, prettier, smarter, whatever, girl.  .... But I think I would die.... I hate knowing it would kill me inside.... I'm like a girl on a movie! GAHHHH!  I turned into the girl you always yell at when you watch a movie, and tell her she can live with out him, and get a grip.  But I can't help it anymore.......... 2 clues found |Hunt for hints

A romantic split-second meeting [Tuesday. Oct. 28th 2008 9:13pm ] [ mood | enthralled ]    Ok, corny, stupid......... whatever... Either way, I am still going to do this.  I am going to tell something that happened a little while ago.  A few nights ago, actually.  *sighs* I just don't know what happened to me....  I do know that I have changed.  I have turned into a total pouder puff.  Everyone says love changes you.... I guess that is why it is called the love bug.  It really is something like a sickness.... even so, it is a sickness that I would have to say I do not mind at all. Hehehehehehehehehe! I'm sooooooooo sick, but I'm feeling better than ever! ^_^   Anyway, I will tell you now!  We tend to always see each other at least once a day.  Work, school, whatever. The point is, at least once a day, we try to see each other.  But a while back, it turned olut that we did not get to see each other AT ALL! To be honest, that mad me VERY sad unhappy.  I just really missed him!  I thought all day how I wanted to see him.  I decided not be a wimp and call him, or beg to see him. ^_^ Hahaha! But I was tempted. Anyway, I was just sitting in my lobby, doing homework. I got a text message for him.  "Come down stairs to the landing."  That was all it said. *smiles* But it was enough to put a smile on my face, even though I did not know what he was going to do, I was still happy.  I jumped up and ran down the hall, out one door, and then the last one.  I threw it open like it was the last door in the world.  I opened it  gracefully and slowly walked out.  My eyes were all over, looking for him.  I'm thinking it took half a second to spot him, even though I was not sure where he was at.  He was not on the stairs, but waiting right next to it.  (Yeah I know.... sounds corny already, but romantic, like a movie) He walked up to the stairs, then walked up three of the steps. (And, yes, I do remember it all) I hurried down the rest of the steps to the landing, where he was waiting.  (Oh, just so you know about the landing thing, and why I knew just where he was talking about.... We always say goodbye there. When he walks me home, we say goodbye on the landing.  A see you later peck, and a hug.)  He wrapped his arms around me the second I got there. I was so happy to see him! ^_^ Extatic!  I was so unspeakably happy, just to be with him!  So yes, I was happy. Plus, seriously, that was a sweet thing of him to do, and I'm not finished. So, when I finally let go of him he looked into my eyes.  I thought about how beautiful his eyes were. (I do that a lot). He smiled, and duh, I smiled back.  We talked for a few minutes, then he told me why he was there.  THIS AMAZED ME!  He told me; "I know this is lame, but I had to see you! I did not see you all day! I missed you."  I was thinking, 'no way!'  I had been fighting the urge to call all day, then he did it. ^_^ Sooooo amazing!  Then he laughed and was like, "I know, pathetic. It was only one day!"  I did not really say anything.... I never can.  But he understands that I never can say what I feel. I try, but I fail. He still loves me though.  (He can always say what he feels, but not me.  He is so different from all other guys I have met in that way. So sensative, and amazing!)  But I was so happy, he came to see me before we both went to bed. That is not the fist time he said he missed me though.  For a two day thing, he was gone with another guy, Dylan.  After they got back, he told me that he was saying he missed me early into it. LOL! ^_^ He is a hopless romantic. But yes, so now I told it. 2 clues found |Hunt for hints

[Thursday. Oct. 23rd 2008 7:54pm ] [ mood | giddy ] I wrote a song to my boy friend.  I know, writing a song is a bit corny, but I still did it. I guess love really does do strange things to you.  I can't really help it though.  I love him so much.  The sad thing is that I have not even getten up the courage to show this to him yet.  Maybe because it is not very good. I'm not much of a song writer, but I try lol! I hope you enjoy reading it, even if it is not too good. I at least liked writing it. ^_^  Maybe I'll get the never to show it to the special person I wrote it for. I could not say... Oh, you amaze me Words seem to come so easily to you You say what you feel like nothing could ever stop you It’s like your so free, more than I ever could be Your like a dream I want to believe your real Never knew someone could say the things you do Such gentle words, yet so sincere Maybe you wear your heart on your sleeve, or maybe you believe in me I’m always too afraid to say the kind of things you do Never knew someone could say so much, and mean it, like you Really wish I could be half as good as you Just cannot seem to be I shy away and never say what I really feel Like all the times you spoke to me, but I could not utter a word I could not communicate a thing You told me (told me) I was beautiful, I blushed and turned away You said my eyes were beautiful, you liked my hair, and loved my smile; I said it was a lie, but my heart flew in the sky Chorus: Could not look you in the eye, too afraid to try ... could not say could not say a word It’s not that I was not happy, I just could not think to speak Maybe I could not believe you really meant it It did not seem so real, or maybe I just could not see Maybe I was afraid Maybe I did not think you would stay, or that I would scar you away You told me that you loved me, I smiled and looked away Wondered if you notice I could not even breathe You said you’d never leave me, and I froze in disbelief You told me you wanted to spend your life with me I tried to stay composed... but most of all I tried not to cry Chorus: Could not look you in the eye, too afraid to try ... could not say Could not say a word Afraid that I might cry It was not that I was unhappy, I just could not even breathe Maybe I could not believe or maybe I just could not see Maybe I was afraid that I would scar you away Still afraid you will go away Still afraid you are a dream and someday I’ll wake up to find you were not real All those things you said I bet you thought that I forgot, but it is locked within my memories I love you so, cannot ever let you go If I ever lost you, what I did not say would haunt me all my days If I ever lost you . . . I could not blame you if you left, for all the times I could not say ... for all the times I could not say But even so.... All those times All the while I longed to say the things locked up inside So many things I wished to tell Many times I felt so much, a love so deep, but could not bring a word into existence I just cannot seem to express my emotion Its something like a foreign notion, or an ocean I am too weak to swim across Even so, just know ... I love you   2 clues found |Hunt for hints

[Friday. Oct. 10th 2008 6:57pm ] [ mood | loved ] I tell you what! I LOVE my man.  He is the most wonderful guy in the world! I love him so so so so so so much!!!   I would say he really has the key to my heart.It is the truth.  I never met anyone like him.  He is a one of the kind.  1 clue found |Hunt for hints

Woooooooaaahhhhh [Thursday. May. 22nd 2008 12:33am ] [ mood | rather in love ] [ music | Realize- Colbie Calliat ] *is in shock* I feel so out of it. The be perfectly honest, I feel like I'm floating on the clouds.  Yes, sterio type, I know. My heart feels like it is not beating right. ^_^ But in a good way.  I feel so amazingly good. I'm happy.  Ok, there is a simply beautiful place here in town. It is a park.  As an entry way, it is like a greek clumn lain. Vines grow around the beams. It has a gorgeous pond with two fountains and huge Chinese fish of all colors that swim allong the surface of the water. It has other amazingly pretty things too, like a gazibo (don't know if I said that right). I have gone there many times. It is my favorite place here. It is so peaceful and calming.  I decided I wanted to show it to the love of my life.  ^_^ The last few times I have gone there, all I could think of was taking him to see it, and sharing it. I showed it to Mark today. We walked there in the evening.  It was around 6:30 when I got there. We walked through the greek looking thing. (He made me promise not to tell anyone, but he said he really loved it there. Which surprised me a bit. I mean, I know guys and girls think differently, so I didn't think he would like it that much. I was so happy he liked it as much as I did.)  We watched the fish for a while, and he put his arms around me as we stood there. The fountain was beautiful, and it made a beautiful sound on the pond. The fish were watching us, like they knew we were in love. ^_^ We talked there for a long time. Then he said we should walk. ^_^ but we did not end up walking far at all. We walked to the gazibo and sat on the park bench. We talked there for a long time more. He told me how much he was going to miss me when he left. He told me he loved me. I had my head on his shoulder, his arm was around me. He kept kissing my forehead and my cheek. *blushes* I knew he was going to kiss me when he told me the story about when his father first kisses his mother.   He has taken it very slow with me. For that, I am so greatful to him. It makes me respect him even more that he is willing to go my pace. Anyway, I was a little afraid of it, so I put my face in his neck. I was really just hiding. >.< I was afraid a bit. It was my first real kiss. (I have been kissed once before, but it was different than a real kiss) SO I was skiddish. But while I was sitting there in his arms, and he was talking to me, telling me he loved me (and I could tell he meant it) I somehow relaxed. I let myself look into his eyes and hold them. I'd been avoiding staring into his eyes for too long, because I knew that when I did, I would loose my resolve to avoid his kiss. (Untill tonight, I had decided not to kiss him yet. In an odd way, it was my goal. Partly so that I could honestly tell me mom that he hadn't kissed me yet. Stupid, I know, but I didn't want her to worry.) But as I stared into his eyes, I totally lost myself in his beautiful eyes, and I stopped resisting. *blushes* He kissed me.  There is a little more to the story of today, but I think I will leave it till later. I will just say I never have felt this way before. I'm in love I suppose. ^_^ I'm not sure I have ever been in love before. I thought I had been, but it was different. Perhaps it is because he is my quote, un-quote "soul mate" I think it might be that. I saw a quote today that made me think of Mark and I. I might not get it exactly, but it said Being with you, and loving you this way makes me see why all the other relationships never quite worked out. I'll have to find the exact quote for you! 1 clue found |Hunt for hints

Update [Tuesday. Apr. 15th 2008 2:13pm ] [ mood | calm ] Ok, I'm back from my trip now. The last time I posted, I was very upset, and fighting tears. I managed not to cry even though I was getting screamed at for no reason.  I really didn't do anything. I just had too many people wanting me to do things for them, and make them happy. I just couldn't make ALL of them happy. Soooo, I got screamed at for not being able to. I wanted to yell back and get mad back, but I didn't. I also wanted to run way -- Get to my own little world and hide. She and her brother were being a bit vicious at the time to me. I was super upset, and that night was not much fun at all for a while. While I was getting screamed at, I left the room and went to a friend's room down the hall to hide. SHe saw how upset I was. I told her not to yell at the person who was yelling at me, but she was mad because I was so upset. (And yes, I now know going to her to hide was a bad idea) She came to the room and started yelling at the girl who was yelling at me. I told her not to yell at her, it would make it worse. But she did anyways, and then that made the whole thing an even bigger mess that it started out being. Then the girl who was mad to begin with was furious with both of us. At that point, when they were yelling at each other, I then had to play go-between/peacemaker. Oddly enough, I was able to sooth them. I even got it to where they calmed down. Even though I got them calm, it was still a bad time. I managed to get the two of them to go out for some fun. (And I payed for both of them to have fun) I was walking on glass all night. The only perk was that in going out, I got to see Mark. He and his friends hung out with us. (Hehehe, but then I also had to make sure my two friends didn't lash out at the guys and drag them into the fight. At one point I had to do a lot of dancing around to keep that from happening) Still, I was happy to see Mark. After that, to calm the girl who was originally so angry with me for not keeping her happy to start with, I took her out again and had to buy her food since she wanted it. I didn't mind. But she did buy a lot of food. *shrugs* But she didn't care since it was on me. LOL! Oh well. My night perked after that, even though she still gave me crap now and then for the rest of the night. I got to talk to Mark online. I didn't tell him anything that happened. I even covered for the other girls when he ask if they were being nuts. But he was so sweet to me, it was amazing. He told me how much he'd miss me when I went on my trip and such. Then he said he would miss me a lot, and wished I could stay, but he knew I'd have a lot of fun on the trip, so as long as I was happy, he was happy. Such as that. He made me feel a lot better. ^_^ He was an angel. He was kinda my Knight in Shining Armor that night -- Protecting me, in a way. Needless to say, I did not miss the girls on my trip AT ALL. However, I missed Yuki.... *giggles* And I missed Mark a lot as well. No one is supposed to know that though. Hehehehe! But yes, he made me feel better. When I got back, the second he saw me, he ran over and gave me a hug. ^_^ It made me day. I didn't mind that at all.  So yes. Maybe soon, I will tell you all what Mark and I did last night. ^_^ We got to hang out. And no, there was no kiss involved.   1 clue found |Hunt for hints

*sighs* [Wednesday. Apr. 9th 2008 8:43pm ] [ mood | angry ] I'm about to cry. I just got yelled at, even cussed at a bit. I didn't do anything, but I got told off.  I'm getting yelled at because I couldn't make everyone who wanted me to happy. I couldn't fix it so everyone got their way in this thing. I try hard to be good to everyone, but I can't make everyone happy. Everyone wants me to make them happy, they expect me to do everything for them.  They don't ask me, they expect me to just do everything to make them happy.  I can't do it. I want to cry. I really do. I'm having a hard time not crying right now. I'm still getting it even now, as I type. I think I'm going to run away. I'm glad I'm leaving tomorrow!!! SO glad. At least I get away from these people. I'm sick of trying to keep everyone happy, I can't do it when they all want something different from me. I'm glad I'm going on a trip. 2 clues found |Hunt for hints

Things I learned [Wednesday. Apr. 9th 2008 4:02pm ] [ mood | okay ] I learned many things today. I thought I would share what people told me with others. I was taught these things today: Straight flush: five cards of the same suit, in sequence (e.g., 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 of clubs) Full house: a pair and a triple (e.g., two 3s, three 4s) Flush: five cards of one suit, in any order Straight: five cards in sequence, in any suit Three of a kind: three cards of the same number Two pairs: two sets of two cards of the same number One pair: two cards of the same number. Tie a Tie How: To make the classic half-Windsor knot, a tip from a salesman at the fabulously fashionable Louis Boston fine-clothing store in Boston. Hang the tie around the neck, with the narrow end on the left side and the wide end hanging down about twice as long on the right side. Cross the wide end over (to their left), under (to their right), and then back over the narrow end. Now pull the wide end up through the opening at the neck and down through the loop you've just made. Tighten the knot, but not all the way. Putting your thumb or forefinger just below the knot, make that small dimple you've seen on men of style, then pull the knot up to the neck and tighten it. Ultimate Chocolate-Chip Cookies Whisk together 1 1/2 cups flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, and 1 teaspoon salt; set aside. Beat together 1 cup butter-flavored solid vegetable shortening, 1/2 cup sugar, 1 cup light brown sugar, and 1 teaspoon vanilla until creamy. Beat in 2 eggs until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in the flour mixture and 2 cups old-fashioned oats. Stir in a 12-ounce package of semisweet chocolate chips. Drop batter by tablespoonfuls onto parchment-lined baking sheets and bake at 350° for 10 to 12 minutes. Makes 52 cookies.   Make a Perfect Steak How: Go for a porterhouse cut of USDA prime beef.  "Make sure it's cherry red," says Rice. "The less red a cut of steak, the drier it will be." Also, look for a cut with flecks of fat throughout and with close-trimmed white fat around the border. Pan-Broiled Porterhouse Steak: Sprinkle one side of a 1 3/4-pound porterhouse steak with 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper and 1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme; pat the seasonings into the meat. Coat a plate with 1 tablespoon vegetable oil and place the steak, seasoned side down, on the plate. Sprinkle 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper and 1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme on top of the steak and drizzle with 1 tablespoon vegetable oil; let stand at room temperature for 30 minutes. Lightly coat the bottom of a cast-iron or other heavy-bottomed skillet with vegetable oil using a paper towel. Heat the skillet on medium high until hot. Place the steak in the skillet and cook 5 minutes; turn and cook 5 minutes more for medium rare, or to desired degree of doneness. Let stand 5 minutes and then slice. Perfect Backrub  1. Set the stage:  Put on calming music, and maybe light some candles. Then have them lie down on a mat (since it's firmer than a bed). 2. Add a few drops of essential oil (such as lavender, which is calming, or citrus for a more invigorating rub) to mild vegetable oil (meaning something with no scent — say, corn or canola oil rather than peanut or olive). Kneel, either at the head or by their side. Now pour a quarter-size drop of oil into one palm, rub your hands together, and hold them about an inch above the body, moving your hands up the spine. 3. Slowly slide your hands down the upper back, down both sides of the spine, and over the sacrum (the triangular bone at the base of the spine). Run your hands up his sides, with your thumb on top and your fingers cupped around the rib cage; then let your hands travel across the shoulders and up the neck. Rest them on the back of their head. 4. Get ready to work it. Begin stroking up the sides of the back, gradually increasing pressure and eventually putting your full weight on the heels of your palms or even your elbows. Move parallel to the spine or zigzag your hands across it: Tuck both hands under one side, then draw them alternately across the back, letting one hand overlap with the other. Another neat trick: Knead fleshy areas with your fists (but don't apply direct pressure to bony areas, like the spine). 5. For a fabulous finish, try "feathering": lightly brushing the body with your fingertips. That soothes the nerves. "Some people can take an hour of just that." -Rolnick Hunt for hints

Color test [Friday. Mar. 14th 2008 7:29pm ] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | Made to Love by Toby Mac ] Color Code: Congratulations, you are a WHITE personality. The Core Motivation that guides you through life is "Peace." This is not referring to a political agenda or the absence of war. It is, however, an absence of inner conflict, much closer to the idea of serenity, and an acceptance of oneself and others. You have a strong and compelling need to keep things in balance in your life so as to maintain an internal feeling of tranquility and comfort. As a WHITE, you seek independence and require kindness, especially from those with whom you are in a relationship. You resist confrontation at all costs. (To you, feeling good internally is even more important than being good.) You are quiet by nature, process things very deeply and objectively with great clarity. Of all the colors, WHITES are the best listeners. You respect people who are direct but recoil from perceived hostility or verbal battle. You need your "alone time" and refuse to be controlled by others. WHITES want to do things their own way and in their own time. They ask little of others and resent others demanding much of them. You are probably much stronger than people think, but are not often seen for your strength because you don't easily reveal your feelings. Whites Are Accepting Adaptable Agreeable Considerate Diplomatic Easy-Going Even-Tempered Good Listener Inventive Kind Patient Pleasant Satisfied Tolerant Why You're Hot You Are A Superb Listener Have you ever heard your friends complaining about how their (boyfriends / girlfriends) don't listen to them, not understanding how this could be? It's because you listen so naturally. This is such a turn-on, because your partner will feel your interest in them and know that you hear even what they are not saying. You Make Others Feel Comfortable You have a way of putting people at ease. You don't try to intimidate or make things too formal. In fact, you prefer creating a very relaxed and open atmosphere, which works to your advantage, because the (men/women) in your life like to know that you are accessible and approachable, and that they don't have to put on a big show to be with you. In fact, they know that they can be more real with you, because of your accepting nature. You Are Receptive To Your Partner's Input You See Things Very Clearly And Objectively You Are Very Adaptable You Are Not Judgmental You Shine When In Your Element You Are Calm Under Pressure Why You're Not You Tend To Be Too Accommodating As a WHITE, you have the tendency to accommodate what others want instead of having to tell them "no". Consequently, you tend to get overloaded with what other people expect of you and soon you can become overwhelmed or end up doing things that you do not enjoy. What happens is that you allow others to take control of the direction of your life instead of you driving towards the life that you and your partner desire. Your Dislike Of Conflict Blocks Honest Conversation WHITES do NOT enjoy conflict in the least. It is the opposite of what you crave through your Core Motive of Peace. Rather than get into an argument with your partner, for example, you would rather pretend that everything's okay, or you would rather lie in a conversation rather than tell him what you really think and risk the potential resulting conflict. So you don't say anything, until it bugs you so much that a month later it comes out. Let's be clear... dishonesty is not attractive especially when a severe case of "lack-of-backbone-itis," lies at the heart of it, so don't go there. 2 clues found |Hunt for hints

I took a test [Saturday. Mar. 8th 2008 9:06pm ] [ mood | artistic ] Agreeableness You are best described as: USUALLY TAKING CARE OF OTHERS Words describing you: Understanding  Unquestioning Humane Selfless Gentle Kindhearted Gullible How you interact with others:         Here's one important truth about you: you have a tender heart. Yes, you know that others need to learn to take care of themselves. Yes, you know they need to accept the consequences of their foolish or bad behavior. And sometimes, even when your instinct is to help them, you will let them fend for themselves and let them suffer the consequences of their choices or circumstances.<BR><BR>But most of the time you are there to help when they need you. If they are in trouble, you offer compassion and go out of your way to be helpful. If they need someone who will listen, you are trustworthy and sympathetic. And you are direct with them; when they need advice or counsel, you offer it in a straightforward, direct manner, without beating around the bush.<BR><BR>You're also smart enough to know that you cannot take good care of others if you fail to take good care of yourself, so you listen to your own wants and needs. If you've run out of sympathetic energy, you spend time restoring yourself. If you've ignored your own pain or frustration, you find a friend who will listen well, or go into your own private healing place and give yourself permission to focus on you. <BR><BR>But before long, you're back at it with your friends, offering a sympathetic ear and compassion on which they learn to trust, also giving straightforward advice and counsel when they ask for it. You do know how to take care of yourself, but your genuine interest is in taking care of others. Negative reactions people may have toward you:         Selfish people might be embarrassed by you. While they're using their time and energy almost exclusively on themselves, they see you giving time to others, and your kindness puts them in a bad light.<BR><BR>Maybe they'll think you're a phony, that you use your altruism to get others indebted to you so they'll then owe you a favor. Or perhaps they'll accuse you, directly or behind your back, of focusing on the needs of others so no one ever focuses on your foibles or your genuine wounds.<BR><BR>All of these are false accusations; yours is a genuine compassion, because you truly have a tender heart. One criticism might be more substantial, though. People might notice when you let things get out of balance and spend so much time responding to others that you neglect your own needs.<BR><BR>Perhaps it's true to some extent that you are more comfortable when the focus is on someone else's needs than when you and your needs are front and center, and this may be a criticism worth paying attention to. Emotional Stability You are: Sometimes Steady, Sometimes Responsive Words that describe you: Adaptable  Engaged  Able to Cope  Perceptive  Receptive Aware  Avid   1 clue found |Hunt for hints

[Wednesday. Feb. 27th 2008 11:15pm ] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | Nickleback: If everyone Cared ] Hmmmm.... I have not really been updating these days. I've been way busy. SUPER BUSY. Today was the hardest day this week though, and I'm glad it is over. I had two big test things today.  The first was in math. HATE MATH. I'm no good at it, it makes no sense to me. P ^ Q or a thing by p or whatever. I don't get that. What the heck is that! Why do I care what p =? I don't even get what p has to do with anything! Nor do I see what a or x have to do with anything. Seriously, what do I care. Like I go around doing that in every day stuff. I never have gotten that. Hahaha, ok, that was my little math rant there. But yeah. After that was THE HARDEST one. ESH! I hope I lived through it! It was so hard, and long. 100 questions I think, and all of them were super hard. 6 essays, or more, I forget. >.< It was seriously hard. I hate to think that the was not even the FINAL, which will be harder.... plus we have other tests too. EESH. I hope I don't die. I hope I can keep my grades up. I felt even more pressured though, cause I have a friend in there. He is always coming to me for help in the class. I get that class, so I can help him. But the tests... are hard to understand, and the teacher is know for trick questions. I just know if I do badly, he will never let me live it down. He is a good friend, but he is the type to hold that over me. WHat would be worse is if he did better than me. >.< I gues I should not care what he thinks, but somehow I do. I don't wanna look like an idiot. Hehehehe! But yeah. I am a tutor to several students actually. It's crazy.  I even have a job as a tutor here now. Even though I do most of my tutoring for free. It kind stumbled into the job. I'd been tutoring a girl for a bit, but then one of the bosses here came to me and ask if I would consider being a tutor as a job here at the school. I was shocked. But I though, hey, why not, I do it all the time anyways, why not get payed. So I took the job. SO far it is good. Today I found something out that made me cry.  I had to leave the room and hide in the bathroom so people wouldn't see me. I only cried a little. It should not have made me cry, but I guess it was just that kinda day. Maybe I just couldn't take any more stuff. Dumb I think... that I cried over some bad news. Hmp, I try not to be that weak. ^.^ Oh well. I don't plan to do it again. SO yeah, there is a little update for ya. Well.... Mmmm yep. 1 clue found |Hunt for hints

Small update [Monday. Feb. 4th 2008 8:14pm ] [ mood | hopeful ] ( More here! ) 1 clue found |Hunt for hints

Hehehe! [Saturday. Oct. 20th 2007 11:53pm ] [ mood | cheerful ] Which Fruits Basket Character Are You? You're Yuki - the mouse. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code I never knew I was a mouse till now... It might be a problemsice my friend is a CAT! I just had to r fr y life! O.O It is such big world! *looks up at evrything* ACH! *sees my the ca comming and hides in a drawer* 1 clue found |Hunt for hints

^^ [Saturday. Oct. 20th 2007 11:46pm ] What Tsubasa character are you? created with QuizFarm.com You scored as Fai You are Fai D. Flowrite, my favorite character in Tsubasa. Hooray for you! You act care free but you really have a big secret to hide. You are very talented and like to tease serious people. Fai 68% Kurogane 64% Mokona 61% Syaoran 57% Sakura 50% Yuuko 43% Tomoyo 29% 1 clue found |Hunt for hints

Ok [Saturday. Oct. 20th 2007 11:34pm ] Who is your inner CLAMP character? created with QuizFarm.com You scored as Chii According to results, you are most like Chii from Chobits. Innocent, adorable and fresh, you love learning new things and exploring the world, even though it might get you in to trouble from time to time. You are happy in your own little world, and you feel best when you are able to show those around you how much you care. Just remember to "recharge" yourself from time to time and you'll be just fine. Chii 92% Fai 88% Watanuki 83% Hokuto 63% Miyuki-chan 63% Sakura 63% Kurogane 63% Kamui 58% Seishirou 58% Yuuko 58% Kero-chan 21% 1 clue found |Hunt for hints

[Saturday. Oct. 20th 2007 2:23am ] [ mood | amused ] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUvo-xEnWu4 XD For halloween http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96NFqGqzRVs Hunt for hints

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